An Interesting Article on the Analysis of Human Needs and Wants in a Relationship

I read this article from a forum and decided to post it on my blog.

I would like to remind myself of this 80-20 thingy and also to spread to anyone who dropped by to read.

In most cases, especially in relationships, you will only get 80% of what you NEED and you will hardly get the other 20% that you WANT in your relationship.

There is always another person (man or women) that you will meet and that will offer you the other 20% which is lacking in your relationship that you WANT.

And believe me, 20% looks really good when you are not getting it at all in your current relationship. But the problem is that you will always be tempted to leave that good 80% that you know you have, thinking that you will get something better with the other 20% that you WANT.

But as reality has proven, in most cases, you will always end up with having the 20% that you WANT and loosing the 80% that you really NEED and that you already had.

Be careful in deciding between! what you WANT and NEED in your life.

Adultery happens when you start looking for what you don't have. "Wow, this girl in my office is a real looker. But it's not her Wynona Rider features that got me. I'm crazy about her because she's also understanding, intelligent, tender - so many things that my SPOUSE IS NOT"

Somewhere along the way, you'll find a woman or a man who will be more charming or sensitive. More alluring. More thoughtful. Richer. Have greater sex appeal. And you will find a woman or man who will need you and pursue you and go loco over you more than your spouse ever did.

Because no wife or husband is perfect. Because a spouse will only have 80% of what you're looking for. So adultery takes place when a husband or wife looks for the missing 20%.

Let's say your wife is melancholic by nature. You may find yourself drawn to the pretty clerk who has a cherry laugh no matter what she says: "I broke my arm yesterday, Hahahaha . . .."

Or because your wife is a homebody in slippers and pajamas, smelling of garlic and fish oil, you may fall for a fresh-smelling young sales representative that visits your office in a sharp black blazer, high heels, and a red pencil-cut skirt

Or because your husband is the quiet type, your heart may skip a beat when you meet an old college flame who has the makings of a talk show host.

But wait! That's only 20% of what you don't have.

Don't throw away the 80% that you already have!

Such an Embarrassment

When I was reading the newspaper on an article about the sms on giving free outgoing calls if I sent 10 smses out, I felt the urge to dig a hole in the floor and bury my head into it. What an embarrassment!!

Yesterday, when I received this sms from a friend, my thought was as I had so many smses and couldn't find using it every month, why not just send it. I got nothing to lose. But today, after reading the newspaper article, I realised I had everything to lose. The thoughts of what will my friends think of me, why am I so gullible, why didn't I think first before sending, I've actually wasted my time studying to obtain a degree. A moment of greed might have overcome me at that time. Such a stupide thought to think of bidding for a large sum with a small amount. A gambler's mentality and mindset.

Well, this will be lesson for me. To remind myself not to have this mentality and learn to be down-to-earth.

Because of this incident, I remembered another incident that also caused me much embarrassment many years ago when I was still a secondary school student. I heard the bell ring and I answered the door. I opened the door and saw a lady carrying snacks and asked me to buy some from her. I thought it was quite cheap and decided to get a few packs. When my mum got home, I showed her what I had purchased, she scolded me for being gullible. These can be bought at half the price in the market stalls. That time, I was so embarrassed with the mistake I made and I really had this urge to bury my head into a hole.

Writing a post here as a reminder the mistake I've made and the lesson to learn from this incident.

A New Fridge

I have a new fridge at home. After a search over two weeks, I've finally found one that fits my criteria. It fits the space in the kitchen, its capacity is bigger than the current one and price's quite ok. Energy saving is the current trend now. Thus a 3-tick by NEA is quite reassuring that this fridge can help to reduce energy consumption and save some cost.

The main feature of this fridge is that there's this "Plasma Ion" thingy which is said to be able to reduce the smell from meat, fish, etc thus keeping the air in the fridge fresh and nice. Whatever it is, I've fulfilled my basic criteria. The rest of the features are only added incentives for me.

There are many layers at the top freezer and normal fridge space. Now our family can put in a lot more stuff and reduce the frequency of going to the market.

Its really wonderful to be able to have a new thing at home. New things are always the focus for the initial period of time. Its the maintenance, proper look after and taking care of it that the product will last long and serve us well.

A Lesson learnt during a Lousy Week

Had a rather lousy week.

I was given the bad attitude and black face by my carpark attendant. It was really disturbing. I've never seen someone still think he's right when it is obviously his mistake. He still has the nerve to ask me not to transfer him out.

My colleague told me that we should look at another perspective. Besides being overwhelmed by anger to remove him, there's another way out. Its always possible to inform his supervisor about this problem and ask him to handle it or to retain him for the sake of not having so much trouble to train an new guy. But in my opinion, this person has crossed my threshold of tolerance and that with a new person, I can train him/her to the way I want.

What my colleague said is not without sense. This has actually taught me that building ones tolerance level is always good.

Just a Reminder

I took this opportunity to post this on the blog. It is definitely a reminder for me. Hope everyone who reads this blog will receive the message.

Just a little reminder how precious you are to me and how precious today is for you!

A friend of mine opened his wife's underwear drawer and picked up a silk paper wrapped package:

'This, - he said - isn't any ordinary package.' He unwrapped the box and stared at both the silk paper and the box.

'She got this the first time we went to New York , 8 or 9 years ago. She has never put it on , was saving it for a special occasion. Well, I guess this is it. He got near the bed and placed the gift box next to the other clothing he was taking to the funeral house, his wife had just died. He turned to me and said: 'Never save something for a special occasion. Every day in your life is a special occasion'.

I still think those words changed my life. Now I read more and clean less. I sit on the porch without worrying about anything. I spend more time with my family, and less at work. I understood that life should be a source of experience to be lived up to, not survived through. I no longer keep anything. I use crystal glasses every day... I'll wear new clothes to go to the supermarket, if i feel like it. I don't save my special perfume for special occasions, I use it whenever I want to.

The words 'Someday...' and ' One Day...' are fading away from my dictionary. If it's worth seeing, listening or doing, I want to see, listen or do it now.. I don't know what my friend's wife would have done if she knew she wouldn't be there the next morning, this nobody can tell. I think she might have called her relatives and closest friends. She might call old friends to make peace over past quarrels. I'd like to think she would go out for Chinese, her favorite food. It's these small things that I would regret not doing, if I knew my time had come. Each day, each hour, each minute, is special. Live for today, for tomorrow is promised to no-one.

If you got this, it's because someone cares for you and because, probably, there's someone you care about. If you're too busy to send this out to other people and you say to yourself that you will send it 'One of these days' , rememberthat 'One day might never come...No matter if you're superstitious or not, spend some time reading it. It holds useful messages for the soul.

A Concealment Act

I have seen this concealment act two times over the past week. This happens when I was walking home from the bus stop I alighted. Both times this act happens after 8pm. This is a deliberate act to conceal from the blue uniform.

I believe many will have some idea that what I'm going to mention is related to the police. They are the ones in blue uniform that many will have to hid or conceal from for doing something illegal. People nowadays are very smart and try to think of different ways to carry out illegal activities.

I was walking one of the lorong. As the street lamps are on the other side of the road, I was not able to see clearly what this person is doing but I could see that he is squatting on the pavement next to the metal drain cover. I continued to walk along the pavement and towards this person. As I got nearly, I saw him hooking up the cover. I thought to myself that there is no road works sign why would this person open up the cover. The next thing I saw a big plastic packet was taken out from the drain.

The bag was not tied up so as I passed by the person, out of curiosity, I took a peek to find out what is in the bag. Guess what!!! It contained different brands of cigarette packets and there are lots of them. Oh... the answer is finally out. This person is getting his stock of illegal cigarette packets out for sale. I must say, criminals nowadays are really very creative and smart. They can even think of such a place to hid their stock. Even if the police come round to these stock will not be found as who will have thought that the cigarettes are hidden in the drain which belongs to the government. The phrase "the most dangerous place is actually the safest place" is definitely true.

With such a concealment act, catching these illegal peddlers will be harder and more people will be smoking cigarettes that are more dangerous to health and many others will be more prone to dangerous second hand smoke. Money is the root cause. It is a vicious cycle.

Labour Day (pre-mother's day celebration)

Its labour day yesterday. A good day to rest and relax after a week of work. It's a good day to have a family get together.

A few days back I was hatching a plan. Next sunday will be mother's day. It'll definitely be very crowded and things will also be expensive so I decided to celebrate it on Labour's day. My aunts and uncles will celebrate early with my grandmother. Also our family have the tradition of celebrating early. So yesterday's really a good day. In the past, my brother and I will chip in to buy presents for my mum or she'll think of something she wants and both of us will share to buy it. This year, I thought of doing it a little different. As the second sunday's mother's day, so I decided to give my mum a treat. To be honest, it is the first time I bring my mum out to shop.

My aunts were watching X-Men Origin: Wolverine so we had chinese vegetarian buffet lunch together at Lingzhi restaurant. This was suggested by my brother as he ate there a couple of months back. But seems the food not as good as the previous. I too find the food normal. But we had a hearty lunch. My aunts and mum were all chatting and laughing away.

Guess who's my mum?

She the one sitting down. From left, my 4th aunt, 2nd aunt and 7th aunt

My aunts accompanied my mum to shop. Haha... its very funny watching my aunts and my mum shopping... typical aunty... haha... oops.. hope my aunts wouldn't be reading any of this otherwise i'll be nagged till my ears drop. My mum's taste really very "traditional". Finding clothes nowadays too colourful, too thin, too expensive, etc. My mum selected one or two pieces but the salesaunty added "oil to fire" and in the end, she bought quite a lot of clothes.. haha... i guess its female instinct that women like to shop and buy nice things. Haha... Luckily I got vouchers. Its really great to see my mum and aunts enjoying themselves.

Oh... my dad bought a couple of shirts too and he mentioned that these are the most expensive shirts he bought in his lifetime... my brother and I was like huh... really ah... wow... my dad's really thrifty...

Its really fun and I think I should organize such an activity more frequently.