Friday, 10 April 2009

The Most Beautiful 7th Day

Today's Good Friday, my mum wants to watch the final few episodes of the show we had missed due to the passing of my grandmother.

It is the HK drama "Zui Mei Li De Di Qi Tian" @ The Seventh Day. At the last few minutes of the final episode, a few lines I find it very interesting.

"God created everything using 7 days and placed the most beautiful thing on earth in front of people. Therefore any person in this life, having gone through any experience, if one understands and knows how to treasure, everything can be the most beautiful."

I find that the gist is in the last phrase "if one understands and knows how to treasure, everything can be most beautiful". I find it very true and the most meaningful phrase of this sentence. When we can treasure everything we have, everything will be very beautiful because we see everything as it is. Take handphone for example, if one treasures the handphone, one will love it and will be a wonderful equipment to use. If one doesn't treasure it, even the most hi-tech phone, best design, etc one will never be happy with having it and will look around for others.

We have to treasure whatever we have and everything will be very beautiful.

Shout!! To Close the Gap

After reading this article I found on Pravs World, it suddenly daunt on me why we shout when we are angry and actually so near to each other. This made me realise that our hearts are actually very far apart when we are angry. The article also explain that we should not let our hearts get distant. We should pull together. I believe this doesn't apply to couples but to any relationship as well, be it family, friends, relatives and colleagues.

'Why do we shout in anger?' A saint asked his disciples, 'Why do we shout in anger? Why do people shout at each other when they are upset?'

His disciples thought for a while, one of them said, 'Because we lose our calm, we shout for that.

''But, why do you shout when the other person is just next to you?' asked the saint. 'Isn't it possible to speak to him or her with a soft voice? Why do you shout at a person when you're angry?

'Disciples gave some other answers but none satisfied the saint.

Finally he explained, 'When two people are angry at each other, their hearts distance a lot. To cover that distance they must shout to be able to hear each other. The angrier they are, the stronger they will have to shout to hear each other through that great distance.'

Then the saint asked, 'What happens when two people fall in love? They don't shout at each other but talk softly, why? Because their hearts are very close. The distance between them is very small...

'The saint continued, 'When they love each other even more, what happens? They do not speak, only whisper and they get even closer to each other in their love. Finally they even need not whisper, they only look at each other and that's all. That is how close two people are when they love each other.

'MORAL' said the saint: 'When you argue do not let your hearts get distant, do not say words that distance each other more, else there will come a day when the distance is so great that you will not find the path to return!'

Thursday, 9 April 2009

A Touching Story (A couple's one month notice before divorce)

I read this article on flowerpod. I find it very touching and decided to put it on my blog. From this story, it also daunt on me that not only must we notice the small details of your partner's, we must also take notice of these little details of our family members too. It is those small details that we see in our loved ones that we must appreciate our loved ones.

"When I got home that night as my wife served dinner, I held her hand and said, I've got something to tell you. She sat down and ate quietly. Again I observed the hurt in her eyes.Suddenly I didn't know how to open my mouth. But I had to let her knowwhat I was thinking. I want a divorce. I raised the topic calmly.

She didn't seem to be annoyed by my words, instead she asked me softly, why? I avoided her question. This made her angry. She threw away the chopsticks and shouted at me, you are not a man! That night, we didn't talk to each other. She was weeping. I knew she wanted to find out what had happened to our marriage. But I could hardly give her a satisfactory answer, she had lost my heart to a lovely girl called Dew. I didn't love her anymore, I just pitied her!

With a deep sense of guilt, I drafted a divorce agreement which stated that she could own our house, our car, and 30% stake of my company.She glanced at it and then tore it into pieces. The woman who had spentten years of her life with me had become a stranger. I felt sorry forher wasted time, resources and energy but I could not take back what Ihad said for I loved Dew so dearly. Finally she cried loudly in front of me, which was what I had expected to see. To me her cry was actuallya kind of release. The idea of divorce which had obsessed me for several weeks seemed to be firmer and clearer now.

The next day, I came back home very late and found her writing somethingat the table. I didn't have supper but went straight to sleep and fellasleep very fast because I was tired after an eventful day with Dew. When I woke up, she was still there at the table writing. I just did not care so I turned over and was asleep again.

In the morning she presented her divorce conditions: she didn't want anything from me, but needed a month's notice before the divorce. She requested that in that one month we both struggle to live as normal a life as possible. Her reasons were simple: our son had his exams in a months time and she didn't want to disrupt him with our broken marriage.

This was agreeable to me. But she had something more, she asked me to recall how I had carried her into out bridal room on our wedding day. She requested that every day for the month's duration I carry her out of our bedroom to the front door ever morning. I thought she was going crazy. Just to make our last days together bearable I accepted her odd request.

I told Dew about my wife s divorce conditions. She laughed loudly andthought it was absurd. No matter what tricks she applies, she has toface the divorce, she said scornfully.

My wife and I hadn't had any body contact since my divorce intention wasexplicitly expressed. So when I carried her out on the first day, weboth appeared clumsy. Our son clapped behind us, daddy is holding mummyin his arms. His words brought me a sense of pain. From the bedroom to the sitting room, then to the door, I walked over ten meters with her in my arms. She closed her eyes and said softly, don't tell our son about the divorce. I nodded, feeling somewhat upset. I put her down outside the door. She went to wait for the bus to work. I drove alone to theoffice.

On the second day, both of us acted much more easily. She leaned on mychest.. I could smell the fragrance of her blouse. I realized that Ihadn't looked at this woman carefully for a long time. I realised shewas not young any more. There were fine wrinkles on her face, her hair was graying! Our marriage had taken its toll on her. For a minute I wondered what I had done to her. On the fourth day, when I lifted her up, I felt a sense of intimacy returning. This was the woman who had given ten years of her life to me.

On the fifth and sixth day, I realized that our sense ofintimacy was growing again. I didn't tell Dew about this. It became easier to carry her as the month slipped by. Perhaps the everyday work-out made me stronger. She was choosing what to wear one morning. She tried on quite a fewdresses but could not find a suitable one. Then she sighed, all my dresses have grown bigger. I suddenly realized that she had grown so thin, that was the reason why I could carry her more easily. Suddenly it hit me, .. she had buried so much pain and bitterness in her heart.

Subconsciously I reached out and touched her head. Our son came in at the moment and said, Dad, it's time to carry mum out. To him, seeing his father carrying his mother out had become anessential part of his life. My wife gestured to our son to come closer and hugged him tightly. I turned my face away because I was afraid I might change my mind at this last minute. I then held her in my arms, walking from the bedroom, through the sitting room, to the hallway. Her hand surrounded my necks oftly and naturally. I held her body tightly, it was just like our wedding day. But her much lighter weight made me sad.

On the last day, when I Held her in my arms I could hardly move a step. Our son had gone to school.I held her tightly and said, I hadn't noticed that our life lackedintimacy.I drove to office... jumped out of the car swiftly without locking thedoor. I was afraid any delay would make me change my mind... I walkedupstairs. Dew opened the door and I said to her, Sorry, Dew, I do not want the divorce anymore.She looked at me, astonished. Then touched my forehead. Do you have a fever? She said. I moved her hand off my head. Sorry, Dew, I said, I won't divorce. My marriage life was boring probably because she and I didn't value the details of our lives, not because we didn't love each other any more. Now I realise that since I carried her into my home on our wedding day I am supposed to hold her until death do us apart.

Dew seemed to suddenly wake up. She gave me a loud slap and then slammed the door and burst into tears. I walked downstairs and drove away.

At the floral shop on the way, I ordered a bouquet of flowers for my wife. The salesgirl asked me what to write on the card. I smiled and wrote, I'll carry you out every morning until death do us apart. The small details of your lives are what really matter in a relationship. It is not the mansion, the car, property , the money inthe bank, blah..blah..blah. These create an environment conducive for happiness but cannot give happiness in themselves. So find time to be your spouse's friend and do those little things for each other that build intimacy. Do have a real happy marriage!If you don't share this, nothing will happen to you, but if you do, you just might save a marriage.- Author unknown - "