Haha... seems i'm writing more articles than any other things.
Recently, I read an article on Mind Your Body. The title is "Love's No Fairy Tale". I find that this title fully describes what should be on everyone's mind when it comes to love. There is more to love than fairy-tale romance and happily-ever-after. It is the basics that everyone should be aware of. Underlying the romance, sweetness, blissful feeling, etc of a relationship is the nitty-gritty stuff and outlook of a person that actually make or break a relationship.
The author has placed a few words which I feel are some of the nitty-gritty stuff.
1) In-laws
2) Family planning
3) Babies
4) Combined CPF
5) Parenthood
6) Home Loan
7) Job Security/Advancement
8) Bills
9) Quality Time
10) Mid-life crisis
11) Health care
12) Retirement plan
13) Disability insurance
14) Menopause
15) Marriage counselling
And the list goes on. These items are very real. They are all part and parcel of life. When a couple comes together, such things will surface more prominently. Unable to handle them can lead to lots of friction and fairy-tale will become nightmare for some.
One friend told me that her friend was arguing with his girlfriend about almost everything. It is not the big issues that they are quarrelling but more of nitty-gritty stuffs. These will be affected by a person's character, upbringing, values, etc. Arguing would not solve the problem and it will only cause cracks to be deeper. It is always good to understand the root of everything so that we are in a better position to move forward.
The author also mentioned a german philosopher Arther Schopenhauer who describes love is an overwhelming biological urge dedicated to one purpose and one purpose only - procreation. The feeling of being together, loving each other and blissfully together are nature's way of tricking us into having babies. This concept doesn't really stand in this current era is because many couples prefer to have only the two of them and not bring in another living being in their world. Coming to think of that, when a woman loves the man of her life, she'll willing bear the pain of going through labour to give birth to a child. Thinking further, nurturing a child requires much effort too. We should acknowledge and applaud the self-sacrificing of woman.
We should not be blinded by all the colours and fun. We should also try handle life realistically and examine the underlying issues while enjoying the fairy-tale.
Saturday, 24 January 2009
Thursday, 22 January 2009
A Touching Article - Living with my mentally ill wife
A few days back, I read an article about this guy who single-handedly took care of his wife who suffers from schizophrenia.
It is a mental disorder "characterized by abnormalities in the perception or expression of reality. It most commonly manifests as auditory hallucinations, paranoid or bizarre delusions, or disorganized speech and thinking with significant social or occupational dysfunction" (wikipedia). Onset of symptoms typically occurs in young adulthood. Reading about what this illness brings about sets my jitters down my spine.
This guy has loved his wife even if she suffers from such an illness. He describes taking care of a mentally ill person is harder than taking care of e.g. a cancer patient. As it is difficult to predict when the illness will surface. And when it surfaces, both wits and physical strength will be required to bring her to seek medical assistance.
I admired him from the bottom of my heart. Reason being he knows she had this illness and he still marries her. Such an act of love is truly pure and above self. He really wants to take care of her and make her happy. This is the most basic and fundamental aspect of a couple. But such basics is the hardest to achieve. And what he said really struck my heart "I made a vow to myself once. I told myself that the woman I marry, whoever she is, I will love forever." I believe such words are what all women would want to hear from their husbands and that it is being acted out. When I read these words, I tear as his words really touched my heart deeply. I too hope that one day when I meet this lady, I will be able to do what he had done and is still doing.
It is a mental disorder "characterized by abnormalities in the perception or expression of reality. It most commonly manifests as auditory hallucinations, paranoid or bizarre delusions, or disorganized speech and thinking with significant social or occupational dysfunction" (wikipedia). Onset of symptoms typically occurs in young adulthood. Reading about what this illness brings about sets my jitters down my spine.
This guy has loved his wife even if she suffers from such an illness. He describes taking care of a mentally ill person is harder than taking care of e.g. a cancer patient. As it is difficult to predict when the illness will surface. And when it surfaces, both wits and physical strength will be required to bring her to seek medical assistance.
I admired him from the bottom of my heart. Reason being he knows she had this illness and he still marries her. Such an act of love is truly pure and above self. He really wants to take care of her and make her happy. This is the most basic and fundamental aspect of a couple. But such basics is the hardest to achieve. And what he said really struck my heart "I made a vow to myself once. I told myself that the woman I marry, whoever she is, I will love forever." I believe such words are what all women would want to hear from their husbands and that it is being acted out. When I read these words, I tear as his words really touched my heart deeply. I too hope that one day when I meet this lady, I will be able to do what he had done and is still doing.
Tuesday, 13 January 2009
Interesting Analogy from Workshop - Maximising Performance
Yesterday, I attended a corporate workshop on "Maximising Performance". The faciliator started the workshop with identifying the key responsibilities of a corporate. She uses Father as an anology. She asked what is the responsibilities of a father and we listed a few like: -
1. Provide for the family
2. Protect the family
3. Running household errants
4. Nurturing children
5. Role model
6. Entertainer
7. Discipline master
8. Setting direction for the family
9. Etc...
A corporate is just like a father who has to set a key responsibilities. This set of responsibilities will be the same for every corporate aka father in this explanation. To be able to fulfill all will show that the father is a perfect father. Is there really a perfect father? I doubt so because we are all humans and we make mistakes. We will never be able to fulfill every item on the list. What we can do is select a few aspects that is most important i.e. prioritize to be given full attention to carry it out.
As I looked at the list, I suddenly remember a friend who sent me this list about being a boyfriend that every girl wants.
The Boyfriend Every Girl Wants
- When you break her heart - [ the pain NEVER really goes away ]
- When she misses you - [ she's hurting inside ]
- When she says its over - [ she STILL wants you to be hers ]
- When she walks away from you mad - [ Follow her]
- When she stare's at your mouth - [ Kiss her ]
- When she pushes you or hit's you - [ Grab her and don’t let go ]
- When she starts cursing at you - [ Kiss her and tell her you love her ]
- When she ignores you - [ Give her your attention]
- When she pulls away - [ Pull her back ]
- When you see her at her worst - [ Tell her she's beautiful ]
- When you see her start crying - [Just hold her and don’t say a word ]
- When you see her walking - [ Sneak up and hug her waist from behind ]
- When she's scared - [ Protect her ]
- When she lays her head on your shoulder - [ Tilt her head up and kiss her ]
- When she steals your favorite hat - [ Let her keep it and sleep with it for a night]
- When she teases you - [ Tease her back and make her laugh ]
- When she doesn’t answer for a long time - [ reassure her that everything is okay ]
- When she looks at you with doubt - [ Back yourself up with the TRUTH]
- When she says that she likes you - [ she really does more than you could understand ]
- When she grabs at your hands - [ Hold hers and play with her fingers ]
- When she bumps into you - [ bump into her back and make her laugh ]
- When she tells you a secret - [ keep it safe and untold ]
- When she looks at you in your eyes - [ don’t look away until she does ]
- Stay on the phone with her even if she’s not saying anything
- DON'T let her have the last word
- DON'T call her hot, but gorgeous or beautiful is soo much better
- Say you love her more than she could ever love you
- Argue that she is the best girl ever
- When she's mad hug her tight and don't let go
- When she says she's OK don’t believe it, talk with her
- because 10 yrs later she'll remember you
- Call her at 12:00am on her birthday to tell her you love her
- Call her before you sleep and after you wake up
- Treat her like she's all that matters to you
- Tease her and let her tease you back
- Stay up all night with her when she's sick
- Watch her favorite movie with her or her favorite show even if you think its stupid
- Give her the world
- Let her wear your clothes
- When she's bored and sad, hang out with her
- Let her know she's important
- Kiss her in the pouring rain
- When she runs up at you crying, the first thing you say is;
"Who's ass am I kicking today baby?"
This list is extremely long. Taking the explanation from the faciliator, such a boyfriend will be a perfect guy and is impossible to find as we are all humans. What we can do will be to select a few and try to carry out as best as possible.
Actually, the items on the list are all to make the lady happy. The more a guy fulfills the items on the list, the happier the lady will be. From this list, there will be certain items that a lady will place more emphasis so if the guy does more of these "certain items", the lady will be tremendously happy. The more weight that the lady has in the guy's heart, the more the guy will try to make her happy. Well, I don't think it will be a one-way traffic. In order for the guy to do more, the lady too have to fulfill items on a list. Which leads us to the question of where is the list on "The girlfriend that a guy wants"? I hope someone will come up with one.
1. Provide for the family
2. Protect the family
3. Running household errants
4. Nurturing children
5. Role model
6. Entertainer
7. Discipline master
8. Setting direction for the family
9. Etc...
A corporate is just like a father who has to set a key responsibilities. This set of responsibilities will be the same for every corporate aka father in this explanation. To be able to fulfill all will show that the father is a perfect father. Is there really a perfect father? I doubt so because we are all humans and we make mistakes. We will never be able to fulfill every item on the list. What we can do is select a few aspects that is most important i.e. prioritize to be given full attention to carry it out.
As I looked at the list, I suddenly remember a friend who sent me this list about being a boyfriend that every girl wants.
The Boyfriend Every Girl Wants
- When you break her heart - [ the pain NEVER really goes away ]
- When she misses you - [ she's hurting inside ]
- When she says its over - [ she STILL wants you to be hers ]
- When she walks away from you mad - [ Follow her]
- When she stare's at your mouth - [ Kiss her ]
- When she pushes you or hit's you - [ Grab her and don’t let go ]
- When she starts cursing at you - [ Kiss her and tell her you love her ]
- When she ignores you - [ Give her your attention]
- When she pulls away - [ Pull her back ]
- When you see her at her worst - [ Tell her she's beautiful ]
- When you see her start crying - [Just hold her and don’t say a word ]
- When you see her walking - [ Sneak up and hug her waist from behind ]
- When she's scared - [ Protect her ]
- When she lays her head on your shoulder - [ Tilt her head up and kiss her ]
- When she steals your favorite hat - [ Let her keep it and sleep with it for a night]
- When she teases you - [ Tease her back and make her laugh ]
- When she doesn’t answer for a long time - [ reassure her that everything is okay ]
- When she looks at you with doubt - [ Back yourself up with the TRUTH]
- When she says that she likes you - [ she really does more than you could understand ]
- When she grabs at your hands - [ Hold hers and play with her fingers ]
- When she bumps into you - [ bump into her back and make her laugh ]
- When she tells you a secret - [ keep it safe and untold ]
- When she looks at you in your eyes - [ don’t look away until she does ]
- Stay on the phone with her even if she’s not saying anything
- DON'T let her have the last word
- DON'T call her hot, but gorgeous or beautiful is soo much better
- Say you love her more than she could ever love you
- Argue that she is the best girl ever
- When she's mad hug her tight and don't let go
- When she says she's OK don’t believe it, talk with her
- because 10 yrs later she'll remember you
- Call her at 12:00am on her birthday to tell her you love her
- Call her before you sleep and after you wake up
- Treat her like she's all that matters to you
- Tease her and let her tease you back
- Stay up all night with her when she's sick
- Watch her favorite movie with her or her favorite show even if you think its stupid
- Give her the world
- Let her wear your clothes
- When she's bored and sad, hang out with her
- Let her know she's important
- Kiss her in the pouring rain
- When she runs up at you crying, the first thing you say is;
"Who's ass am I kicking today baby?"
This list is extremely long. Taking the explanation from the faciliator, such a boyfriend will be a perfect guy and is impossible to find as we are all humans. What we can do will be to select a few and try to carry out as best as possible.
Actually, the items on the list are all to make the lady happy. The more a guy fulfills the items on the list, the happier the lady will be. From this list, there will be certain items that a lady will place more emphasis so if the guy does more of these "certain items", the lady will be tremendously happy. The more weight that the lady has in the guy's heart, the more the guy will try to make her happy. Well, I don't think it will be a one-way traffic. In order for the guy to do more, the lady too have to fulfill items on a list. Which leads us to the question of where is the list on "The girlfriend that a guy wants"? I hope someone will come up with one.
Saturday, 10 January 2009
2 News Articles
Read the Thursday newspaper and found 2 news articles that one of it find it amusing and the other its really a sad issue.
Cabby Fined for Wearing Jeans
This happens in Malaysia. Taxi drivers are required to wear white shirt and black long pants to work. This is their standard dress code and if they were caught not wearing this uniform, they will be fined.
Well, not sure what taxi he's driving. Maybe he's driving one of those "atas" taxi. In Singapore, only a few types of taxis like the limousine taxi, mercedes taxi, etc will require wearing long sleeve and pants.
If this cabby is driving one of those normal taxi and wore a black jeans to work, I guess he is really unlucky. There are so many taxis in Malaysia and who would know whether the cabby is wearing a black long pants or not when he's sitting in the taxi. Even if he's not in the taxi, its quite difficult to spot the difference as he wearing long jeans. If he's driving one of the normal taxi, presentable clothings should be sufficient. I can't imagine what will happen if every taxi driver is required to wear this standard dress code in Singapore. One thing is certain if this happens is that many departmental stores will have their cash registers ringing none stop.
Hospital Lose Dead Babies
This article mentioned hospital in 2 countries. One is in US, New Jersey, the other is in Hong Kong.
In New Jersey, what happens is that a baby died after birth and it is placed in the mortuary but when funeral workers went over to collect the baby for cremation, they were unable to find it. The reason for this is still unknown.
In Hong Kong, the baby was a stillborn, sent to the mortuary and was placed next to another dead body who is supposed to be cremated later. The baby's body could not be found 3 weeks after his death.
It is a misfortune for both parents and their family to have lost their babies and it will further traumatised the family members when the body could not be found. It is sad to see such things happen. The system in these 2 countries should be of a standard to prevent such things from happening. I suppose there will still be human errors and no matter how strong the system is. I can't imagine what happens to those in the developing or 3rd world countries. We just have to learn from mistakes and try to further reduce such occurrence.
Cabby Fined for Wearing Jeans
This happens in Malaysia. Taxi drivers are required to wear white shirt and black long pants to work. This is their standard dress code and if they were caught not wearing this uniform, they will be fined.
Well, not sure what taxi he's driving. Maybe he's driving one of those "atas" taxi. In Singapore, only a few types of taxis like the limousine taxi, mercedes taxi, etc will require wearing long sleeve and pants.
If this cabby is driving one of those normal taxi and wore a black jeans to work, I guess he is really unlucky. There are so many taxis in Malaysia and who would know whether the cabby is wearing a black long pants or not when he's sitting in the taxi. Even if he's not in the taxi, its quite difficult to spot the difference as he wearing long jeans. If he's driving one of the normal taxi, presentable clothings should be sufficient. I can't imagine what will happen if every taxi driver is required to wear this standard dress code in Singapore. One thing is certain if this happens is that many departmental stores will have their cash registers ringing none stop.
Hospital Lose Dead Babies
This article mentioned hospital in 2 countries. One is in US, New Jersey, the other is in Hong Kong.
In New Jersey, what happens is that a baby died after birth and it is placed in the mortuary but when funeral workers went over to collect the baby for cremation, they were unable to find it. The reason for this is still unknown.
In Hong Kong, the baby was a stillborn, sent to the mortuary and was placed next to another dead body who is supposed to be cremated later. The baby's body could not be found 3 weeks after his death.
It is a misfortune for both parents and their family to have lost their babies and it will further traumatised the family members when the body could not be found. It is sad to see such things happen. The system in these 2 countries should be of a standard to prevent such things from happening. I suppose there will still be human errors and no matter how strong the system is. I can't imagine what happens to those in the developing or 3rd world countries. We just have to learn from mistakes and try to further reduce such occurrence.
Wednesday, 7 January 2009
Business Transaction
Today, I received a very interesting and amusing email that I can't help but laugh. The subject of the email is exactly the same as the title of this post - "Business Transaction". This email I received from a social networking website.
This is the replicate of the email - "MY NAME IS Mariam Qayyum,FEMALE 25YRS I work with Fidelity Bank Plc of Nigeria,foreign remittance departmenti need your assistance to stand as a beneficiary(Next of Kin) to the sum of $17.8millions united state dollars lying down unclaimed in our bank...CAN I TRUST YOU ON THIS TRANSACTION.COME ON CHAT SO WE CHAT MORE BETTER ON IT...I WANT US TO SHARE GOOD MONEY TOGETHER IN FURTUREI AM VERY HONEST LADY AND I LIKE THE PARTNER WHO IS REALLY CLEAN ON HEART! I AM REALLY CARING PERSON. I AM REALL WAITNIG FOR MY PARTNERl saw your profile so nice of you.im looking for someone honest and caring,I must say that I want to know more about you and who you really are. I have always sayed that it is what is on the inside that is most important and these words that you hav written are very very wonderful. Take care and hope to hear from you.WAITING FOR YOUR REPLYMARIAM"
As I took a first look at the email, I was like "Huh... what's this!?!? Why does this person have to find a next of kin to the sum of $17.8m USD?" It really is a business transaction but it sound more like an indecent transaction. Really makes me wonder her real intentions. If she or whoever this person is, wants to claim the sum of money, why look for an outsider. Looking for a person within her family or any relatives would be more appropriate as she would be able to get a bigger share.
This is the first time I got such a proposal. Well, me being a very "kiasi, kiasu" person, wouldn't want to risk any losses. I don't think I'll contact her or this person to find out more coz curiosity kills the cat. Don't want to be like the cat being killed. Hehe...
Anyway, I don't think there's such a wonderful thing in this world to get a partner and at the same time be filthy rich. It goes against any logic I should say. One just have to down-to-earth. Having a good foundation beat everything else.
This is the replicate of the email - "MY NAME IS Mariam Qayyum,FEMALE 25YRS I work with Fidelity Bank Plc of Nigeria,foreign remittance departmenti need your assistance to stand as a beneficiary(Next of Kin) to the sum of $17.8millions united state dollars lying down unclaimed in our bank...CAN I TRUST YOU ON THIS TRANSACTION.COME ON CHAT SO WE CHAT MORE BETTER ON IT...I WANT US TO SHARE GOOD MONEY TOGETHER IN FURTUREI AM VERY HONEST LADY AND I LIKE THE PARTNER WHO IS REALLY CLEAN ON HEART! I AM REALLY CARING PERSON. I AM REALL WAITNIG FOR MY PARTNERl saw your profile so nice of you.im looking for someone honest and caring,I must say that I want to know more about you and who you really are. I have always sayed that it is what is on the inside that is most important and these words that you hav written are very very wonderful. Take care and hope to hear from you.WAITING FOR YOUR REPLYMARIAM"
As I took a first look at the email, I was like "Huh... what's this!?!? Why does this person have to find a next of kin to the sum of $17.8m USD?" It really is a business transaction but it sound more like an indecent transaction. Really makes me wonder her real intentions. If she or whoever this person is, wants to claim the sum of money, why look for an outsider. Looking for a person within her family or any relatives would be more appropriate as she would be able to get a bigger share.
This is the first time I got such a proposal. Well, me being a very "kiasi, kiasu" person, wouldn't want to risk any losses. I don't think I'll contact her or this person to find out more coz curiosity kills the cat. Don't want to be like the cat being killed. Hehe...
Anyway, I don't think there's such a wonderful thing in this world to get a partner and at the same time be filthy rich. It goes against any logic I should say. One just have to down-to-earth. Having a good foundation beat everything else.
Thursday, 1 January 2009
New Year Resolutions
Noticed a yahoo news article about making new year resolutions. It mentioned that making New Year resolution can be bad for mental health. This heading actually attracted me to find out why. I had actually done up a few new year resolutions and now someone is telling me that trying to self-improve can be detrimental.
The British mental health charity Mind mentioned that making resolutions focusing on physical imperfections as such resolution creates a negative self image and lead to feelings of low self-esteem, hopelessness and even mild depression. This is when the result is not achieved, this could spark feelings of inadequacy and failure. Such resolutions can have unrealistic goals and when people fail to achieve them, people end up feeling worse than at the start of the year. Mind's advice is to think positively about the year to come and what we can achieve instead of making resolutions which is to focus on being active, connecting with nature and learning something new and working for one's community.
To me, not making resolution will be like going into the new year without any direction. I usually set resolutions that are reasonable and not have unrealistic goals. Why do something which one can never achieve? But it'll still be alright if lessons can be learnt and help in personal growth even if the goal is not achieved. Well, I'm glad to say that the resolutions I've set are all in line with Mind's advice. Hehe...
Resolutions for Year 2009
1) Give back to the community - blood donation and volunteer work
2) Self improvement - learn taichi and dancing
Of course it'll be good to find myself a girlfriend. This is not a resolution as it is not within my full control.
My next step now is to plan a timetable to fit in these activities and time management will be needed here as next year, I will be handling one more building in the 3rd quarter of the year. Its going to be challenging and I'm looking forward to it.
Happy new year. I hope to have a great 2009.
The British mental health charity Mind mentioned that making resolutions focusing on physical imperfections as such resolution creates a negative self image and lead to feelings of low self-esteem, hopelessness and even mild depression. This is when the result is not achieved, this could spark feelings of inadequacy and failure. Such resolutions can have unrealistic goals and when people fail to achieve them, people end up feeling worse than at the start of the year. Mind's advice is to think positively about the year to come and what we can achieve instead of making resolutions which is to focus on being active, connecting with nature and learning something new and working for one's community.
To me, not making resolution will be like going into the new year without any direction. I usually set resolutions that are reasonable and not have unrealistic goals. Why do something which one can never achieve? But it'll still be alright if lessons can be learnt and help in personal growth even if the goal is not achieved. Well, I'm glad to say that the resolutions I've set are all in line with Mind's advice. Hehe...
Resolutions for Year 2009
1) Give back to the community - blood donation and volunteer work
2) Self improvement - learn taichi and dancing
Of course it'll be good to find myself a girlfriend. This is not a resolution as it is not within my full control.
My next step now is to plan a timetable to fit in these activities and time management will be needed here as next year, I will be handling one more building in the 3rd quarter of the year. Its going to be challenging and I'm looking forward to it.
Happy new year. I hope to have a great 2009.
Wednesday, 31 December 2008
Fearing Safety of Teens
I read a news paper article on Monday and was quite shocked to see that the statistics show that nearly 2 in 5 teens have been sexually propositioned online. Though the statistic population survey is quite small but seeing such figures make me worry about the younger generation.
The teens are really at great risk. But there's a saying that "if the cow does not want to drink, you'll never be able to push its head down". I believe teens are attracted to the attentiveness, protectiveness, materialism and sweet talk of the older guys. Being clouded by these and sexually naive, teens seems to be more willing to accede to sex requests.
In the era of online proliferation, many teens use various social websites and online gaming sites. These places seems particularly easy for predators to "take their pick". Even if it is easy to hook up a teenage girl, guys shouldn't take advantage of this and satisfy their desires. Such acts will greatly affect girls' mentally, physically and emotionally. Even if some teens are open and willing, one shouldn't take as an excuse to commit something that violate morality issues.
The teens are really at great risk. But there's a saying that "if the cow does not want to drink, you'll never be able to push its head down". I believe teens are attracted to the attentiveness, protectiveness, materialism and sweet talk of the older guys. Being clouded by these and sexually naive, teens seems to be more willing to accede to sex requests.
In the era of online proliferation, many teens use various social websites and online gaming sites. These places seems particularly easy for predators to "take their pick". Even if it is easy to hook up a teenage girl, guys shouldn't take advantage of this and satisfy their desires. Such acts will greatly affect girls' mentally, physically and emotionally. Even if some teens are open and willing, one shouldn't take as an excuse to commit something that violate morality issues.
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